My Profession

Tuesday, October 29th, 2024

I bought a Nikon ZF camera with a 24-50mm lens a few weeks ago. It was very expensive but the process of obtaining it was more worth it than I could have imagined. Bu tin any case. I have been a learning experience to figure out the control of the camera, but I have been getting the hang of it. But being self taught can only take me so far and I don’t have the attention span to watch a video on photography. That’s why I can’t wait to start learning it. I’m going back to Grand Rapids Community College this January. The original plan was to focus my main major in writing and decide if I should do psychology as my second major and photography as my minor or vice versa, by taking psychology classes thisyear, and then photography classes next year. After that, I’ll make my final decision when I get to Grand Valley State University. If I go to GVSU. I fucked up my financial aid almost royally. I made the decision to go back to college two years ago, but have been debating on going or not until July or August. Even then, I didn’t think I still had financial aid, until I went to their website and saw I still have it I was just too late to register it to this year.

Anyways, when I got my camera and went out to Ken-O-Sha Park yesterday and if I am being honest, I had a small epiphany on how I got here. From my regrets, to my small accomplishments, to my current progress. Like many children, we wanted to become so many things. For a while I didn’t know if I wanted to be a firefighter or an officer. When I turned thirteen, I wanted to become a therapist and help people who are going through a rough mental patch and allow them to vent their problems. But that lasted for about a month and I put all my focus into my creativity. I mostly did drawing. I don’t know what it was but I really did love it back then. As frustrated as I would get with it.

Once I got into high school I wanted to become a content creator for illustration and animation. To share my drawings with the rest of the world. I will admit it I really did enjoy it. I sometimes look back at my drawing on instagram and wish I had the attention span and motivation to create something new almost everyday again. I even made plans on going to Kendall College of Art and Design. Even after I had to drop-out after failing my first semester at GRCC and covid hit, I never stopped trying, and started posting TikTok videos. I even put in all my effort into creating a graphic novel. I did my research on everything that goes into a graphic novel. I spent many years making the script and writing down notes for it. Even trying to make characters designs. But that’s when my love for drawing came to a halt. I kept procrastinating on making the actual illustrations like focusing making sure the story made sense that I never drew anything. And a part of me not only realized this, but also accepted it. That when I asked myself; what if I made it into a novel?

Now writing for me was nothing more than a hobby. I never thought much of it when I first started writing on the regular when I was fifteen. Even then I kept a journal on me and would write one to two sentence affirmations. That is until October 2020 when I was a utility worker for Meijer and I had this coworker who was a great poet and got me back into writing. I still had an itch for drawing but iI wanted to write more. So I did and the following year, I got into writing diary entries. A lot of them were my attempts at poetry, but they at least got the message out. All I would do is write here and nowadays I’ve been writing more and more. I’ve even started writing a book. Right now I’m stuck on chapter thirteen due to writer’s block, but I’m hopeful that I can finish it by December. Or at the very least finish the fifteen chapter by then.

Looking back at all I’ve done to get where I am now, makes me regret not trying harder in my writing and photography. When I was drawing I would feel accomplished after I finish. During the process, I would get frustrated and lose my patience with it. But when it comes to writing, specifically making a story, it feels so revolutionary. The excitement and happiness I have felt during the process of making my current book, Red has been amazing. The amount of times I’m in the middle of writing and then think about something that would benefit the story a little more, or that would add more suspense or foreshadowing. When it came to drawing, I could never get past the character base. And I’m not skilled enough to not draw a base or not use a reference. Even when I did draw the perfect base, I would be so burnt out that I wouldn’t pick it back up for months and when I would, I would delete the whole file and start from scratch again.

When it comes to photography, I didn’t think much about it. If there was something I thought would be a great photo opportunity I would take it.

This next bit is going to sound cringy as hell, to the point where I hope I’m not the only one, but my main inspiration for going into photography is the video game, Life is Strange. I don’t exactly remember what my first thoughts were when I first heard about the game, only that everyone loved it and was excited for the remake. But then when I played the third game after the dlc for it came out, I knew I had to play the first game. I don’t why, but I was playing the first and third game at the same time and yet, I finished the third game within a week and still have yet to finish the first. Don’t judge me. In any case, as I was playing the first game, See Max’s love for photography really made me have a passion for it. The next camera I intend on buying a a Polaroid I-2 with 600 film. The difference between this camera and my current Polaroid Now is that the I-2 has manual controls. Thinking about it now I really am getting a vintage look in. Now, I’m not expecting this, but my roommate said if he doesn’t use the film camera he bought then he was going to give it to me. So it can be used, and boy howdy it will be used. I could see what it was exactly but from what I could piece together, it was a Canon EOS 35mm camera that was made sometime in the 1990’s. Even if he doesn’t let me keep it, I still want to use it at least once. When I get the money I’ll buy a thing of 35mm film and ask to use it.

I still regret not pursing writing and photography more than drawing, but I also can’t let the regret get to me. Otherwise I’ll be more focused on what I could have been verses what I am doing now. It took me way to long to make this entry and I feel like there was more I wanted to say during my time at Ken-O-Sha park, but at the same time though I feel like this entry is long enough.

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