Four Options

Thursday, July 13th, 2023

Why am I saying everything is fine?

Option one: I want to reassure everyone that everything is okay, because I don’t want them to go down with the ship with me. I know I won’t be able to take on this problem alone and I know they are letting me know I can tell them anything. But if something bad happens, I don’t want them to get caught in the middle of it. So I have to make sure they don’t find out that everything is not fine and I am suffering from the inside. It hurts not to tell the people I care about most about this stuff, but I can’t expect them to drop everything for a narcissist like me.

Option Two: I know there is no convincing them that everything is fine, so instead I am trying to convince myself. Maybe if I say it enough times I will be able to figure out a solution to it all. To resolve my own issues on my own, without the need or worry from any one else. But that only raises only one question. Am I convincing myself or am I lying to myself?

Option Three: I truly don’t need any help. I’ve been through this problem before and will handle it the same way I always have. Some of my methods may only cause more concern in others, but I’ve made it this far.

Option Four: Am I trying to convince everyone and myself. I know everything is going to shit and I won’t be able to handle it alone. But everyone hoping that I don’t let my thoughts win, may be the push I need to change things around. To help myself.

So I guess the real question is do I sink? Do I float? Or do I swim?

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