A Letter to the One I Fell in Love With

Thursday, June 17th, 2021

I love you.

Of course you already know this, because I say those same three words to not only you, but to the rest of our friends.

But I wish we could be more than friends. I wish I could tell you how I feel. Maybe then I could learn what it means to accept love. To finally take life one second at a time instead of allowing it to pass me by. Having the courage to confess to an individual that I have fallen in love with. The feeling of relief to finally get it off my chest, with the hope that you feel the same way. Being able to wake up feeling happy again. Knowing I have something to live for.

I only wish I could tell you how I feel. How I want to be with you as more than a friend. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I don’t want to ruin what we already have.

Now don’t get me wrong, this friendship of ours is just as precious to me. As much as I want to be with you. It would be for the best if we stay friends.

The reason why I refuse to confess is because you’re too kind to me… and I'm afraid that I might take advantage of that kindness. Even as friends I have to keep my distance. Becoming too attached to someone as nice as you, just to mentally hurt you, is something I don’t want anyone to go through again. I have hurt and betrayed people. I have been a subpar and deficient to everyone before you.

Writing all of this kind of makes it seem like you feel the same way. It’s always best not to assume these things about an individual. Besides, what's the point of falling in love with me, if I can't even give myself a second thought. But if you do feel the same way, let these words be a warning as to why you should keep looking for other options.

Going from dating to marriage would mean that I can be with you longer and see your stunning face everyday. But the more I dream about it, the more I realize it can only be a dream. Being in a relationship for that of a year, without becoming exhausted and sick of me seems impossible. I’m not the easiest person to deal with and there will always be a reason not to fall in love with me.

I would spent countless nights contemplating suicide and how easy it would be to run a knife through myself.

I may be pushing it, to think we could ever be more than friends.

You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can show you happiness and love. Someone you feel comfortable with.

When someone says they want to spend the rest of heir life with you, that life should be longer than a couple months. Relationships shouldn’t end because of an avoidable outcome such as suicide. You need more than what I can give.

If we were more than friends then maybe I could finally keep my arms clean. For years I could only see in black and grey. But with you I can see more than that. I can see the colours, and beauty in life. But at this point, I don’t want to have anymore reasons to stay alive.

I just hope the person you fall in love with is someone who can see the colorful world you created, and shows you just how beautiful your painting is.

It hurts every time I stop myself from confessing to you. To at least let you know how I truly feel. But like I said before, this friendship of our is just as precious to me and I don’t want to ruin it.

So I’ll keep my distance and my mouth shut… but I will always be by your side.

Love,

Omega.

Word Count: 659