The Anchor

Saturday, February 4th, 2023

Imagine yourself sitting in an open field. Above you is an empty void, with an ambiance of negativity and death. Next to you is an anchor you've tied yourself to with one thin rope. Around you are more ropes, floating in the air. Hovering within arms reach of you. This rope, that is tied to you, represents the reason why you still cling to life. Consider the rope is like a hobby you get into for a short period of time. That is why it is so thin. It was thicker like the last few ropes you had gotten into. But now it’s barely holding on. Hoping one day your passion for it will return.

Now, you’ve had long ones for your long term ambitions. And much like your current one, you have also had short ropes for your short term ambitions. At one point you had four ropes. Just like everyone else. Although these threads may have been short and long like the ones you currently have, they were thicker, because back then you wanted to make the most out of all of them. You’ve attempted to fix these threads but only a few times and untied them from you and your anchor. Allowing them to be pulled into the void.

As life continues, your last remaining rope would snap. Time and time again, you would do everything you could to fix them. There are nearly more knots than rope. No matter how old they may be, you didn't want to lose the very thing that kept you happy. That kept you alive. But with the overwhelming negative aura coming from the void filling your body with fear until you break. Until you don’t want to feel anything anymore. Until you forget what happiness is like. Until you give up trying to put another knot into the rope. After a while, the gravity of the void becomes stronger as it pulls you in. It’s cold, but euphoric. Enticing. Intoxicating. Reliving. And most of all. Inviting.

The void’s invitation is a promise you can’t ignore. A way out. The stress of trying to find a reason to continue on has started becoming a chore for you. Although, the ropes above you as enticing as the void. And that you have tried exploring, it was too uncomfortable. You have gotten so used to the void pull the you don’t want to keep trying. You don’t want to keep, exploring, anymore.

However, some seem to pique your curiosity. Other than hobbies, some had career goals, some had social skills, some had bright futures, some had new relationships, some had safe havens, but all had opportunities and reasons for you to chose life. You want to grab hold of one but you are hesitant. You are scared of starting the whole process over again. You are scared of finding happiness and passion again because you don’t want to feel the pain of losing it again. The unfamiliarity made you uncomfortable. You’ve spent so long getting comfortable in negativity that you have completely forgotten was it’s like to be positive. At least for more than a brief moment. Because that’s all positivity was to you. A brief moment of silence. But the void’s promising invitation would make that silence last forever.

Think back to that person. The person you forgotten about. The person who grabbed as many ropes as they could, until you found the one that suited you best. You were excited back then. Finding a passion you could wrap your personality around.

Where has the time gone? What happened? How did it get to this point?

Could it have been the limited time of life weighing you down? Constantly telling yourself that if you miss a beat, you will no longer have enough time to make a life for yourself. Let alone a name. Maybe it’s the crushing burden of not being good enough to succeed in your field. You start comparing yourself to your predecessors. To the people who have excelled at what you want to accomplish.

Take a breath. Or walk. Or swim. Or you could simply. Do. Nothing. Relax. Take a step back to move forward. Let your mind go blank. And I’m not referring to those “breaks” you take when you get overwhelmed or overstimulated. At that point you are forcing yourself to take a break. Take a rest where you’ll feel refreshed, instead of catching a second wind.

Grab onto a rope that similar to your passion. A rope that more of a lead up to what you want to do in life. The feeling of love. The feeling of self-worth. Happiness. Confidence. All these emotions that you haven’t felt in what feels life ages. Although they feel uncomfortable you feel the warmth they bring you. Your fear and anxiety doesn’t allow you to get attached. You fear of change but you don’t want to remain in the misery that is your current self. But sometimes that’s okay. Nothing lasts forever but there will always be something or someone that can help you find your reasoning to live on.

Word Count: 852